Unknown Wings.

I had the privilege of attending a graduation this week for someone very close to my heart. Oh high school…such fond memories mingled with both glory and grief. I looked down from the crowded stadium seats and flashbacked to a day not so long ago when it was me embarking from the comfort and familiarity of immaturity to a roller coaster of uncertainty called adulthood. I looked around and all the emotion was flowing quite nicely. The young and old alike welling with tears…either single quiet ones or ugly snot producing belly cries that make you really hurt with the person. These people were looking down at their babies, grandbabies, friends, girl/boyfriends or maybe even strangers and taking in the grandeur of the moment, the simple truth that forced them to realize that this moment demands recognition. The possibilities that are contained in the souls of those little lives are endless, and everybody knew it. These kids have a fresh start, the shiny and clean choice to go this way or that, or do this thing or that thing, decline or accept that opportunity. If I’m going to be honest about it then ill admit I was pretty jealous of that freedom. I started recounting my choices over the last few years since I was given that gleaming golden ticket to life as an adult and at first it made me really sad. I realized that there were so many junctions in my path where two choices presented themselves with equally impactful consequences and I have often chosen the road that has taken a lot of backtracking to recover from. The road that looks like the most promising at first but then quickly turns into the journey marked with the thorns of trial and the briers of bitterness. Feelings of regret have always had a way of creeping around and adding insult to injury and I am an old veteran of such roads but I’m here to say that despite the difficulty I have found them more rewarding then the magical roads of rainbows and butterflies that everyone appears to be striving for. Reread it…it was worth all the blood, sweat, tears and misery that came along with that choice. When these obstacles presented themselves they seemed daunting, the unfathomable became my reality and I was left with a choice, yes another choice…and I chose to fly. That’s right, I chose to jump straight off the sheer cliff of the unknown and pray I wouldn’t find myself squashed at the bottom. And while that free fall is always terrifying it triggered something within me that I never knew existed. I have wings, gorgeous and strong, capable wings. These wings have taken me from those days of insecure and frantic decision making to a person capable of looking past the initial threat of hardship and choosing the better way to growth and glorifying God with my life. God uses the willingness within our hearts to lead us to where he will be most exemplified. That’s amazing to me. That I serve a God who will still use me in the mess of my choices, when I appear to have messed everything up beyond repair. He reached down into my broken little life and chose to give me the courage and the wings to fly away from it…but never forget what I learned in that valley. My possibilities are still endless, and I have more bravery to walk the hard things out because I know I’m going to be more than ok, I’m going to soar. So to all you who graduated this month I encourage you to find the bold and determined part of yourself and run for your dreams. Don’t let doubt stop you, because you will never find your wings if you stay in the comfortable bubble that never causes you to risk. It takes the pressure of falling to discover the strength within. Choose to fly…I know its scary from your comfortable perch…but from those of us who have experienced this life and flourished despite adversity… its better to take the chance to see what kind of wings you’ve been given instead of wondering what it would be like on the outside of the cage of fear that holds you constrained to the life of domesticated birdhood. Happy Flying!

POEM: Go.

Bravery comes from a place within,

Far from the grips of death and sin.

You start off feeling scared and unable to move,

Then within your soul you find something to prove.

No one goes head to head with fear solely.

They have a protector who is righteous and holy.

I set out on a journey not knowing,

That through it I would never stop growing.

Where we find strength to push past,

That split second comes and goes fast.

All of the sudden you feel a rush,

That you cant ignore or even hush.

So you grab life by the hand and walk forward,

With the knowledge you aren’t a coward.

And with God for us what shall we avoid here?

There isn’t any death or end to fear.

These days are sealed and promised by him,

Bravery isn’t a chance but without even trying success is rather slim.

Healing Mirrors.

Have you ever stopped to take in all the beauty of a mirror? The way that the light refracts and illuminates the space around it. Its ability to make a room look bigger without ever moving the four walls that surround it. Most of all I think about how truthful it is, and truth is an amazingly powerful entity. The mirror has the ability to show you exactly who you are, the unedited, messy, sometimes horribly embarrassing raw version of you. When I put my face as close I can get it up to that mirror I see the details of my skin, the old acne scars, faded freckles, and the shade of sea foam green set behind disappearing little black circles reacting to the light in my eyes. If I’m honest I usually tend to cringe and look away as quickly as I can. And in those moments when I catch my reflection in passing mirrors I get to thinking…if they had mirrors that showed you what your soul looked like…what would I see in mine? Would I default cringe like usually do? It makes me wonder what would be revealed if the walls came down and we got to examine what’s really in there, the center of your existence here on the earth, your soul that houses the very life inside of you in the company of the Holy Spirit. I wonder if I would be proud to own what I saw in that mirror. Well…that’s when the soul searching begins, the long journey towards conforming yourself to Christ’s image. The hard truth is also this: sometimes our mirrors are cracked. They distort and reflect us in fractured little bits and pieces, and that often exactly how we feel and operate: broken. Once upon a time someone took rocks and threw them at your mirror to ruin the way you see yourself forever. I’m so sorry they tried to hurt you, I’m so sorry they didn’t see the damage they were inflicting upon you and I’m sorry that they convinced you into believing you deserved it. I also have to look and see if I was ever a person holding the rocks: forgive and repent. If we could just heal these mirrors we judge ourselves in everyday, put down the ammo to annihilate our value and self worth as human beings and start to practice the very character traits we expect from others. STOP CRITIZING, MINIMIZING, MISUNDERSTANDING and IGNORING the body, personality, operating system and soul the good Lord entrusted you to take care of. Stop racing to be the first one to degrade yourself so that you feel like if everyone knows your flaws you wont have to have it pointed out and truly deal with it. I know your heart is hurting and you feel like all the little pieces of you that were meant to be beautiful are so ugly and fall short of your dream version of you. But don’t let the past dictate the way that you live your life, let it shape you into a more compassionate and considerate person who is on a mission to heal the mirrors of the world.You are not perfect, but you are you and without you in the world this life would be missing an amazing, wonderful, gorgeous soul that has so much to offer to humanity. Inside that heart of yours there is the power to change this world, the ability to look past the small words and the ploys to break you down to nothing and RUN triumphant and imperfect into God’s perfect hands. You are worth so much more than what (insert person who didn’t value you) pitifully tried to be for you. Take heart, Jesus adores you, and when you look back at that broken mirror you have been a slave to I hope you see the real and honest truth. I pray that your mirror and mind goes through a healing transformation and all the sharp edges that have caused wounds would mend and reveal something incredible we’ve never been brave enough to see. I hope you realize through the restoration of your mirror that you have so much to contribute to mankind, the ability to reach through  other peoples broken mirrors that they see themselves in every morning and give them the courage to embrace their full worth too. Someone wise told me this “You can’t love people out of their state of brokenness, but you can love them in their brokenness.” Friend, please love yourself and others just as they are and I know we will come to fine a world of beautiful, whole mirrors reflecting light off of each other so that darkness will never prevail. What a wonderful world that could be.

POEM: The Art.

Its amazing to think of how many people there are,

That are each completely different near and far.

The components of a soul are complex and vast,

From present day to the humanity of the past.

I want to know Gods intention as he created my tent,

That he gave me a house for my soul to rent.

For a short time I will dwell here fulfilling purpose,

He divinely carved my heart for service.

I long to discover and embrace my true self.

Whether I remain in poverty or health.

I pray I find a way to recharge and renew,

That spark of energy that will carry me through.

Be my confidence when I have none left,

Without you my living would be depleted by theft.

The world will try and fit you into its mold,

But its best to ask the artist himself what truth his art does hold,

I will walk forward bold and unashamed,God, thank you for my design you took time to be framed.

Blankets Aren't Always Snuggly.

If there is one thing I’ve learned it’s that there is life or death in the power of your words. The very syllables that cross the threshold of your mouth can build another soul up to the highest of heights or send them down to the deepest depths. Words and phrases stick much more permanently then scrapes and bruises. They penetrate parts of the heart that were always meant to be protected but have been brutally exposed in the culture we live in today. I was thinking about different types of destructive types of speech, and far from the obvious damage of slander and gossip comes a less known but equally vicious mode of word transportation: blanket statements.

When you throw out those cement words [always or never] onto another person is does much more than just evoke guilt it sets of patterns of belief that that human heart is not bound to. When we take the reigns in our own hands and say “you always do this” or “you never do this” we create word space that is unproductive and hurtful and void of life sustaining grace that Jesus offers freely. I myself have been wrestling  with these blankets that other peoples words that have clung to me like leeches and also had to replay ugly words I’ve spoken onto others that I know still sting them. We are human, we are fragile, we take time to get to the point where we have had enough of the lies and NEED to search out truth that outshines the darkness…but unfortunately some people are so defeated they never try. These statement are on automatic replay in everybody’s minds and they are debilitating because we use them as the scapegoats to never try. We decide far before we ever dare to risk being rejected that we are inadequate because or the “always and nevers”. It breaks my heart to think of all the sheer potential and light that is being snuffed out because we open our mouths to wound instead of to heal. I don’t want to be a person that throws horrible little blankets statements on people that act as a prison to their potential. I want to be a person that diligently seeks opportunity to free and release them from stereotypes and old bad habit patterns. Why can’t we dare to live and love like this? To take the value of that person, someone that is a walking resemblance of their creator, and prioritize them ahead of our schedules, emotions, money, principles, pride and opinions. I’m not excusing the sins of others, please don’t get it wrong in that head of yours, what I am saying is that are we willing to love that person and what their capable of contributing to the kingdom of God more than we love being right? What good does it do to have billions of people who are “right” but have been mutilated with the arrows of hurtful words and retreated to dark isolation? I don’t want that kind of world, I want to live in a world that can humble itself before God and be wrong but LOVE so much more because its willing to do what’s best for his people, not itself. So put your blanket ammo down, I know I need to as well, and open your eyes, ears, minds and hearts to embrace God’s kids who are so scared and lost as it is without your judgment. We need to learn that devaluing people is the most devastating tragedy to strike our generation…when we change our purpose in gaining we will realize that when souls firmly planted in Jesus thrive we have everything we will ever want or need.

POEM: The Truth Remains.

You don’t know the way I see you tonight,

I wish you would accept it and not try to fight.

The way the light dances in the windows of your soul,

Or without loving people you simply wouldn’t be whole.

The smile that plays with the sense of a room,

And the way you touching me makes my heart boom.

Warming this cold world with words so full of life,

Your wisdom hold so much weight, it cuts lies like a knife.

Slow and easy you fill your lungs and still your mind,

Darling from where I sit your one of a kind.

You make it a point to make people truly know,

That without them humanity wouldn’t grow.

Because a vital piece of the Lords family tree,

Would be incomplete and just a heap of debree.

You give up so much to lift others up,

And willingly take an unfair cup,

Others have come and told you I’m wrong,

But really they were blind all along.

My love, give up the darkness that’s trying to take you away,

Believe what I say, I beg you to stay.

You my dear are something extraordinary to behold. Including those eyes and you heart of gold.

Mankind will never understand why I feel,

That if you not with me, nothing is real.

Go ahead; try to make your appeal,

It’s my heart you’ve already managed to steal.